INSIGHT CRIZ

applying love in our life

WHY DO COUPLES QUARREL?

Written by crizlai on Oct 22nd, 2008 | Filed under: emotion, family, living, marriage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are just hundreds of reasons why we were in the quarrelling mode at times and would not look deeply into the main core of the reasons and seek solutions. Let us discuss on two of the more prominent reasons that would destruct a married life.

MONEY

“Money is the root of evil”. That’s what we have known ever since we were born into this world. But is it true when it involves in relationship? Let’s see some of the scenarios. Do you combine your total earnings into one general account for the household expenditure or do you have separate accounts? Some might even consider both. What would yours be?

It may work fine at the initial stage of a marriage to have joint account to push the “family as one” off the ground. After years of marriage, things might not be as pleasant anymore. There would be disputes about how much the other would spent on their personal usage and how much the other truly contributed towards the family expenditure.

There ought to be some agreements at the initial stage of each marriage. Ideally, it would be better to have two accounts for each individual. One would be the joint account and the other would be the personal account. Both must agree to set certain amount or percentage of their income into their joint account while leaving some for their personal usage. This might just work well if only both agree to do so without being calculative on how much the other person is earning.

There are cases where A is earning X amount while B is earning just 40% of X amount. Quarrels would spark when B is in need of funds while A is still holding on to the “extras” for his or her own usage. As I have mentioned earlier, there SHOULD BE AN AGREEMENT at the initial stage. IF A has the “extras”, he or she should put that into the “buffer” account in case there are any unforeseen emergencies in the case of B. After all, they are always sacrifices for the better of any relationship

EMOTIONS AND NEEDS

“It takes two hands to make a clap”. Well, it does in a relationship. Humans are social animals as they would always need love, company, attention, fulfillment of their needs and so on. If two were to lie down together, they keep both warm, but if one decide to stay at one side of the bed, how could both have warmth? This scenario happened in many broken down marriages.

Marriage life is a two way communication process in order to maintain a harmonious relationship. There is no such thing as a one-way love although it may happen in a certain stage of a relationship. Sooner or later, the party would be burnt out. Romantic spirit should always be there. Everyone would like to love and be loved. Even a little flirtation between spouses would make the relationship more interesting. No one would like a monotonous marriage where both are doing their personal things without any communication all the time. Would you?

In some cases, marriage life ended up as companionship rather than as husband and wife. One party would be so busy with the business that coming home would be just for the sake of having a company in bed. One might just want to have some surprise fun but the other would just give excuses for being exhausted. As time pass by, the lack of tenderness, fulfillment of needs and participation of a fairy-tale marriage would just seep away slowly but surely.

Would you want to fill your dreams by being selfish in your own wants and starve the needs of the other in a relationship? Just ask yourself truthfully what have you been doing in your married life? Are you still a lover or have you merely turned yourself into a breaker?

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